I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You can't special order awesome
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize