Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
