wanna go halves on a baby?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
