They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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