You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i wish my penis had a tongue
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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