Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
