Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
