last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This is my gift to your gina
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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