You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
