doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
