I want to make a zoo with you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
