he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
