What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
