Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
