Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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