sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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