Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
