whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
