I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
