I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
God, you're like boner-b-gone
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
