My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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