i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
