I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
