dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
