it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
