i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
