Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
