I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
