We named our party play list daddy issues
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize