omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
