ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
