i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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