I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
