Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
