Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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