dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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