i just sent this text using only my big toe
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
