and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
