He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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