i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
