whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
