Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
