I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
