Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
