So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
