dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We left the knife in your bed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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