Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
