I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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