they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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