im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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