I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
