Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
