why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
