whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
