After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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