The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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