so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
