i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
