ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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