Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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