I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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