I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
