whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
