wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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