he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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