I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
