Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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