Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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