So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
